I CAN MOONWALK!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
