The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
