I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
