I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
