There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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