im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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