ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
