Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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