Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
