Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
