btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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