waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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