I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
