On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
