everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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