You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
