it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
