SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
