he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
