I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
