I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
