How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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