Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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