I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
