WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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