When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Are we still banned from the library?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
