I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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