woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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