I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
