There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
