did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
