I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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