Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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