I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
