i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
