I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
