My Higher Power is John Stamos
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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