My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
