i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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