Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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