quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
