I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His hands were made for my vagina.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
