Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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