Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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