my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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