it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
