yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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