I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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