I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
