i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
