I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
