Kiss
Puke
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
