yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
