I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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