I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she smelled like a LAN party
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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