the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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