Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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