Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
