i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Actions speak louder than pants.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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