My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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