Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
