thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
