when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
