Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
