i just wanna soil my oats bro
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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