i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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