sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
