my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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