The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
COCAINE IS GR8
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
