Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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