my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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