he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
