I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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